From the very beginning I knew Terry was different.
I’ve hinted at the deep connection we felt from our first conversation both here and on my own blog, but I’ve never really explained it in depth. There is a simple reason for that. It can’t be explained. It was just there, instant, overwhelming, and unstoppable.
I have always hated the term Mistress. It grated on my teeth to the point that the word was forbidden to my submissives. Ma’am, Ms, Miss, fine, but call me Mistress and you were going to get an ear blistering, most likely followed by a bottom blistering. I even threatened to wash someone’s mouth out with soap for using it once.
But like so many things, when it came to Terry it was completely different. The first time I heard the word from his lips, uttered in a soft, pleading tone, a jolt went through me, shaking my very core. The word was so perfect in his mouth, like a magic spell unlocking a treasure or a secret door. In that moment the shape of our relationship was sealed. I was Mistress and he was mine, utterly, totally, and completely.
This is not to say that it happened overnight, or that everything went smoothly. Even the most natural slave struggles with surrender, and my goodboy was no different. Every little stumble brought him closer, though. Soon it became clear that he had the potential, and possibly the will to take submission to the deepest possible places; the world of the slave.
The differences between submissive and slave are very subtle in some cases, elusive, and hard to articulate. They are sensed rather than known, understood fully only in the realms of the mind that do not full cross over into words.
I had him start reading the book Slavecraft by Guy Baldwin. We had some long conversations and we began consciously plumbing the depth of Terry’s submission to see if at heart he truly is the slave I suspect him to be.
Part of that exploring has been adding a new discipline method to his training. I had him purchase a car floor mat. At certain times when he needs correction to remind him of the life and path he has chosen, I have him lay it upside on the floor in his corner. I then order him to strip completely and have him kneel on the mat with his hands on his head for 15 minutes. The mat is painful, the position is humbling, and sometimes when he is there his room will go dark, leaving him softly crying in the dark as he clears his mind and brings himself back to his proper place.
I have only had to use this method twice so far, but when I do it is a very powerful and emotional experience for him. The effect is immediate. The mat stays with him in his mind. He dreads it, he fears it, and he savors the power it has to change him in an instant.
I’ve seen the change in him as he slowly becomes humbled and I marvel in it. He is still all he was when I found him, but now he is so much more as well. Life is richer, deeper, a bit more complete for him. Discovering himself has given him peace.
Most people, even some within the BDSM community don’t really understand this aspect of submission. I can’t fault them; for a long time I did not understand it myself. I do now though, and it’s wonderful. It is the bliss chased by so many and found by so few.
So much said with one simple word:
Mine.
Ms. Betty
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